Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
