are you still at the devil's house?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
