$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize