I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
