You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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