He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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