i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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