you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
