i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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