i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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