I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So vagazzling was a success
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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