if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
