So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
