I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
