shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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