I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
