Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
