You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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