Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
