You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
