why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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