Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
