Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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