Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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