what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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