You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
