I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
