im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize