I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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