she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
