I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
