we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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