Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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