You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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