just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I intend to get homeless drunk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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