Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
