All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize