He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
