Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize