My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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