Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
