i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
