Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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