he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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