My brain says no but my pants say off.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
