I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you still have your period?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
