the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
