this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
