Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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