I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize