my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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