he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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