Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize