What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
