HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
