Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
