I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
