Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
