I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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