just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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