My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
