12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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