And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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