hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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