The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
