I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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