Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
