Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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