Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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