I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
